Revenge
by Warrior Dae
Summary: Roy Mustang and Edward Elric. Neither of them exactly get along, and usually Roy has the upper hand. But what happens when Edward decides to get revenge? It can only end in disaster for Team Mustang, but end up with Ed on top. Written by Shiro obiki okami
1. Chapter 1

_Roy sighed, as he signed paperwork. _

_He glanced at the clock, and then back to his paperwork, hoping to finish in time. _

_thump_

_thump_

_THUMP_

_THUMP_

_"Err, Mr. Elric, Colonel Mustang does not-"Breda started_

_"I DON'T CARE!!!" he roared_

_BAM!!!_

The door was flung open by none other than Edward Elric, and he stormed into Roy's office, with a murderous glare. 

"YOU!!!" he screeched "YOU SENT ME ON THE MOST RIDICOULUS MISSION YET-NO IT WASN'T EVEN A MISSION!!!IT WAS A-" 

"Mr. Elric, leave the Colonel alone, he's doing paper work!" Riza said sternly 

"Oh, so the lazy bastard is finally doing some work?" Edward sneered 

"Edward." she warned, but Ed ignored her 

"You ass. You ordered me to go all the way to the other side of town, just-" 

"Hawkeye." Roy said impatiently "Show Shortmetal the door." 

"Wha-WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT-LEMME GO!!!!!!" the boy screeched, as Riza picked him up by the scruff of his jacket, and then walked out the door and down the hall, and threw Ed out the door. 

And she wasn't gentle either. 

Edward landed face first and skidded to a stop, on the pavement 

"Maybe you will learn from this experience, to not bother the Colonel while he is doing paperwork." Riza said icily before slamming the door shut, leaving a pouting twelve-year old outside. 

"There going to hell for this." Edward swore, then started to get ideas of revenge, and an evil plan formed in his little blonde head. 

He was going to need to call Winry, and get Al. 

Oh, they were going to pay. Pay for what they did. Pay for calling him short. 

"Okay, so are we all set?" Edward asked. 

Winry and Al nodded. 

About a week of careful planning, waiting, and much more had brought them to this moment. 

"Okay, I'll be back in about an hour as planned, then at six we meet as planned. Winry, put the final touches on the video, and edit it, correct any mistakes. Al, check the supplies, and everything else." Edward said, then smirked" I'm paying Colonel bastard a visit." 

"Okay, watches synchronized?" Winry asked, and both boys nodded "Okay the, lets get the show on the road!" 

"Hello?" a timid voice called, it sounded familiar............but that tone......no, it wasn't Fullmetal. 

In fact, the kid had barely come around since Riza tossed hi out. 

Apparently he skidded on the cement when Hawkeye threw him, causing a road burn on his face. 

Roy thought it was hilarious. 

And so did Havoc..........and everyone else. 

Finally, some peace and quiet. 

"Hello?" the voice repeated, and then Riza opened the door. 

"Sir, Fullmetal wants to see you." 

"Fine. Let him in." Roy sighed, and was slightly surprised to see the midget walk in calmly. 

Riza took note of this too, but said nothing of it, and she closed the door behind her. 

"So, how is that face burn doing?" Roy asked smirking, not bothering to look at the kid 

"Better actually, thank you for asking though." Edward said kindly, and Roy looked up in shock 

The boy looked calm, and smiled at him. Also, the burn was gone(Ed healed it with alchemy when he got to his dorm). 

"So...Shortmetal, when will you be able to go on a mission?" Roy asked, sure that he would get a reaction out of the boy this time 

"Tomorrow." he replied coolly, then "I'm sorry for disrupting you when you were signing important documents, and I know I got what I deserved." he looked down at his shoes, as if he were a child who had received a scolding from their parent. 

Roy was shocked, and so was Riza, Fuery, Falman, Breda, and Havoc, who were listening on the other side of the door. Havoc's cigarette had fallen out of his mouth 

Yes, even Riza. 

"W-wha-" 

"I'm also sorry to bother you now, because I know you don't have time to deal with me, but please sir, forgive me." he bowed his head. 

Roy came to his senses, and smirked" Your forgiven, Shrimp." 

Still no reaction came out of the boy, except for a smile" Thank you sir. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some errands to run." he said, but as he did, Roy could've sworn he saw an evil glint in the boy's eyes. 

Roy blinked, as it had gone as quickly as it had come, and Ed was now out the door. 

The others came in, looking over their shoulders. 

"Sir..............what just happened?" Riza asked, utterly confused 

"I don't know, Hawkeye.......though, I think we can all agree that Ed has changed for the better." he chuckled, as he walked over to the window, and saw the boy melt into the crowd below. 

Roy grumbled in frustration, as he tried to get the key out of the door. 

His subordinates, and himself had been tasked with the job of locking up tonight. 

"Colonel, could you please hurry up? I don't want to miss my favorite TV show. "Fuery whined 

"I-damnit! I can't help it!" Roy snapped, and he was dangerously close to snapping his fingers, 

The stupid key just wouldn't come out- 

The door came off its hinges, and nearly crushed Breda and Falman. 

"What the f-"Roy was cut off, when a stream of yogurt filled his vision and mouth, causing him to choke. 

The same happened to all his subordinates, who coughed on the deadly dairy product...OF DOOM!!!(couldn't resist XD). 

Roy rubbed yogurt out of his eyes, and saw the pint-sized alchemist, who was holding a water gun, which wasn't filled with water. 

"FULLMETAL!!!" Roy roared" DID YOU DO THIS???!!!!" 

He got another face full of yogurt. He took that as a yes. 

Ed laughed manically, and ran down the hall, and upstairs. 

"Get him!" Hawkeye yelled, and they all ran down the hall way, then up the stairs and- 

**BAM!!!**

Several paint buckets flew at them, and only Hawkeye was able to dodge them. 

The men, who weren't so lucky, tumbled down the stairs, and landed painfully at the bottom. 

Hawkeye whipped around, then turned back, and got a face full of milk, which caused _her_ to fall down the stairs as well. 

Roy was the first one to untangle himself from the mess of bodies, and stormed up the stair case, this time dodging the paint bucket. 

"Ha, can't fool me ya-"he was hit by a huge water balloon. The another one. And another. 

This caused him to loose his balance, and he fell back down the stairs, again. 

Finally, the disgruntled officers slowly, and cautiously made their way up the stairs. 

Luckily, they encountered no more surprises. 

"Where is that little bastard? I'm gonna break his neck." Havoc growled, looking thoroughly P.. 

"Easy Havoc, we all wanna strangle the little asshole." Riza said, and this caused the men to look at her in surprise 

"What? I can't swear like you guys?" she snorted" I swear, when I get a hold of him..."she growled. 

They saw a single lamp light, coming from a door. It was coming from their office. 

Roy signaled them to sneak up on Ed. 

They went in quietly, and saw someone sitting in Roy's chair. Hawkeye drew her gun, and the person in the chair swung around, to reveal none other than- 

"HUGHES??????????????" everyone chorused in shock. 

"Maes. what are you doing here?" Roy snapped 

"What a funny question, Roy. I was about to ask the same question." he grinned" Do you wanna see a pic-" 

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!" everyone shouted at him, causing the man to shrink back in the chair 

"Jeez, I was just gonna ask if you wanted to see a picture of Edward." he shrugged, and everyone was confused. 

"Well, speaking of Ethane you seen him?" Breda asked 

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have." Maes smirked 

"Really, where is he?!" Fuery asked eagerly. 

Maes grin just widened, and he held up a remote, and pressed a button as if to answer the question. 

Tons of photos buried Mustang and co., and someone stepped out of the shadows. 

"Good job, Hughes." Edward smirked as Roy's head emerged from the pile of pictures(of Elsyia!),and gasped 

"Maes.......how could you betray me? I thought......I could trust you." Roy whimpered 

"Oh, I haven't betrayed you my friend. I'm just getting revenge for when you _burned_ my picture of sweet daughter. Oh, and I thought it be hilarious to see you guys like this.......don't think of it as betrayal, but more like......a prank." Maes smirked. 

Riza, Falman, Breda, Havoc, and Fuery emerged from the pile, gasping for breath. 

"Ed, why are you doing this?!" Riza shouted 

"..."the boy just smirked 

"Answer me!" she yelled 

Edward held up a suitcase for them to see, then opened it to reveal a large bomb. Everyone except Ed and Maes gasped, and then glared at Ed. 

"You wouldn't." Havoc said" Your insane if you think for one minute-" 

"Ah, don't worry. Its not the end yet. I still have plans for you." Edward chuckled, then set down the case, and he and Maes left, leaving team Mustang to theirs deaths. 

"I-I c-can-can't believe this is the end." Riza gasped, tears falling down her face 

The men looked at her shocked, but Roy just said" Riza.......before we die, I want you to know that....."Roy gulped "that you are the most beautiful woman I have seen........and I love you." 

"Roy.........."she smiled "I love you to." 

"......I'd hug or kiss you, but I can't move since my entire body is buried by pictures of Maes daughter." 

Havoc gave a humorless laugh "Who knew team Mustang would die like this? At the hands of a twelve year old, buried under photos of a little girl.......man, we're pathetic.". 

The others laughed at this. Hey, why not die laughing, or better yet with the one you love? 

"I......I just want you guys to know, that you've been like family to me." Breda sniffed, and Fuery burst into tears 

"I love you guys!" he wailed. 

Everyone started getting all emotional, and remembering the "good times"*cough beforeacrazymidgetcame intotheirlives cough*. 

Finally, a little voice came on, and started counting down. 

"5" 

"Its been so great being with you guys." 

"4" 

"Yeah, I'm gonna miss you too." 

"3" 

"I love you guys." 

"2" 

"I love you Roy Mustang, and don't ever forget it, not even after you die." 

"1" 

"I love you too Riza." 

_**SPLAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" everyone screamed, as they were covered in dairy, gym socks, shorts, and underwear, and other things best left unidentified.

"THAT LITTLE BITCH IS GONNA PAY FOR THIS!!!!!" Riza screamed, and miraculously burst from the pile of soggy paper, and started digging her comrades out.

"I can't believe we got all worked up and emotional for nothing." Falman muttered, and the others nodded, all very angry at the pint-sized alchemist.

"Hey, look! Its almost dawn." Fuery pointed out, wiping some of the mess off the window. True enough, the sky was getting lighter, and slowly turning gray.

"If we get caught here, with this mess......."Riza said, and everyone new what happened then.

Severe punishment, hell, maybe even demotion.

They had to leave. NOW_._

"I guess our revenge on Edward will have to wait." Roy sighed dejectedly, and the other nodded, and headed towards the door.

They were about to file down the stairs, when they got a face full of yogurt.

Roy whipped around, and saw the Fullmetal pipsqueak standing at the end of the hall, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

He stuck his tongue at them, and fled to the last office.

"CATCH THAT MIDGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Roy roared, fury returning with renewed vigor.

They all ran down the hall, and practically got stuck in the doorway in the process.

Wait.........they were stuck.

"What the..........Riza, move."

"I can't!" she snapped at Havoc" I'm stuck, like there's glue-aw crap!" she yelled, and then they realized their situation. They weren't just stuck. They were _glued, and_ stuck.

They all heard a laugh, and saw Edward step out of the shadows(again)and he smirked "Comfortable?"

"Why are you doing this?" Roy asked

"Why? Why? Oh please, you should know _why_."

"...No, I do-"

"FINE,I'LL TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!" he snapped, then smiled again "Revenge."

"What?! You mean your still mad a-"

"No, no, no. Well, I am still mad, but not enough to do _this." he_ emphasized by spreading his arms" I've trashed the whole place." he smirked.

"WHAT?????!!!!!!!!!!" everyone yelled shocked.

"Yes, and I will frame you guys for it. I'm getting revenge for everything, calling me Shortmetal, Shorty, Fullmetal Pipsqueak, midget. And everything else. All the stupid missions, bossing me around like I'm your slave!" he ranted, and started pacing, but then stopped and smiled" No matter. I'll be getting my full revenge soon enough. My associates, and girlfriend have seen to that."

"Wait.............did you just say you have a girlfriend?" Roy asked, stunned by the news

"Yes Colonel Bastard. And she's not a whore like Riza over there."

"What'd you say?!" Riza gasped, then managed to get one arm free, and grabbed her gun.

She aimed it at Edward, and shot.

Confetti flew out, and a little banner that said "LOL" popped out of the gun.

"Huh? What-I-WHERE'S MY GUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????" she screamed, and glared at Ed

"Looking for this?" Ed smirked and pulled out Riza's hand gun from the pocket of his coat.

"But how-"

"Don't look so shocked Riza. I stole it from you this morning, when you hugged me, and thought that I was 'the most adorable thing ever', and nearly chocked me." he spat, then pocketed her gun "I think I'll give it to my girlfriend as a present..........so she can melt it into scrap metal." he laughed evilly, then said" I think its time I introduce my girlfriend.".

And Edward's girlfriend stepped out of the shadows, proving to be none other than-

"Winry?! Your Fullmetal's girlfriend?!" Roy asked shocked

Winry just grinned, and kissed Ed on the cheek" Everything's ready, so can we play Target Practice now?"

Ed nodded, and walked to the desk behind him, and pulled out water balloons, water guns, wrenches, pies, and other various items, ranging from a plate, to dolls.

"I bought all this stuff with your paycheck, and some of the money in your bank account, Colonel Bastard." Ed said as he fished out more random things.

Edward and Winry threw anything and everything, always hitting an unfortunate officer(though Ed targeted Roy the most)and called them names, taunted and teased them, then to top it all off, gave them each a make over, which included lipstick, eyeliner, clown paint, and spray paint, and some colorful decorations and streamers. And toilet paper.

By the time the two children had finished, it was morning, and almost time.

"Well Team Bastard, its been fun, but we have to take our leave now." Ed put some finishing touches on Roy as he said this

"Oh yeah, and with the door blocked, how are you gonna get out?" Roy smirked, knowing he had Ed trapped.

While they had been busy torturing the officers, they had all been loosening themselves up. Just another minute and they would be free.

"The ventilation system." Winry answered, and pulled out a screw driver, and proceed to unscrew the plate off.

_Damn, I need to stall them for just a minute, then I can catch Ed, Roy_ thought, and tried to buy time

"So, this plan of yours" Roy said, feeling the door give way "how does it work Shortmetal?"

Ed was angered by being called short, so he grabbed a wrench and hit Roy with it.

_Big mistake, Roy_ thought, as he freed his arm a caught the wrench.

Ed had shock written all over his face, and Winry gasped. Hawkeye was the first one out, and grabbed hold of a struggling Winry, who kept hitting the blonde woman with her screw driver.

Breda and Havoc grabbed Ed, who didn't protest much.

Roy smirked "So Shortmetal-"

"Let her go." he said with no emotion in his voice "Let Winry go..........if you do I'll surrender-"

"Ed, no-"

"Yes Winry." he twisted around to face her "I can't let you get in trouble, just because everything went wrong." then he turned back to Roy "Please."

"Well........seeing as I already have you caught and-"

He was cut off when Ed kicked him where-the-sun-don't-shine, then hurled Breda and Havoc into Falman and Fuery, and Winry beat Riza with a wrench.

"WINRY!!!!!!!!!!" Ed roared, and Winry dove into the vent, followed by Ed.

Roy winced, and lunged for the flash of red that was Ed's coat, and grabbed onto it.

Though Edward, having the upper hand, kicked Roy in the face several times before he let go, letting Ed escape.

Team Mustang all walked down stairs, tired, angry, and frustrated.

Chasing crazy midgets, crazy midgets girlfriends, and crazy daughter-obsessed men was hard, especially when they kept on spraying you with dairy products.

Roy sighed, and opened up the door, to reveal the sun, fresh air and-

Hundreds of people, military officers, and civilians alike, and the Führer himself(who was in his PJ's/robe)

"Hello, Colonel Mustang." he said icily

Roy turned around to view Central HQ and saw a huge mess. Toilet paper streamers, confetti, spray paint, yogurt, and a variety of other things littered the outside and ground around the building.

Such messages as:

"The Führer sucks !XD-Roy"

"Kiss my ass-Havoc"

"Legally blonde-Riza"

"I hate dogs, and bitches-Breda".

There were more, and it looked like the place had been thoroughly trashed.

And Roy, Riza, Havoc, Breda, Falman, and Fuery were covered in........stuff, so............

"Team Mustang, you are charged with practically destroying Central HQ, burning down and orphanage, throwing flaming dog shit at my door, trashing my wife's garden, beating my dog, turning the town's water supply into oil, trying to kill Major Elric, playing poker with the homunculi, attempting to rape his younger brother, and giving Major Elric a road burn on his face.".

Ed, who was standing next to him, whispered something in his ear, then the Führer nodded and said

"And calling Major Elric short.".

Team Mustang paled at this, and then wondered what their punishment would be.

_God, that kid must really hate being called short, Roy_ thought and then, damn, he_ framed us for a lot of stuff.......and I didn't get to have any fun!_

"So, with the help of Major Elric, I have decided your punishment." the Führer stated

"Your punishment is............"

___

OOOOOO!!!!!! Cliffy! Next is the Epilogue, and I promise it gets better! And there'll be more romance too!


	2. Epiloug

Okay, thanks for being so patient and waiting for the Epilogue! I've had several endings in mind, and couldn't decide which one I wanted to use-but I've made my decision. There are a few things I'd like to add:

1. Disclaimer-yes I have to do this, or I get sued-We/I don't own Full Metal Alchemist......but I do have a Christmas tree!

2. Thank you for reviewing, Luna-Lunak, miyucamui, and Tenebrous Rex! And yes in the-

Swifteyes: Shut up! You'll ruin it for the readers!

Me: Okay, okay! Now, on with the story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SEVENELEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Last time:**

Team Mustang paled at this, and then wondered what their punishment would be. _God, that kid must really hate being called short, Roy_ thought and then, damn, he_ framed us for a lot of stuff.......and I didn't get to have any fun!_

"So, with the help of Major Elric, I have decided your punishment." the Führer stated

"Your punishment is............"

**Now:**

"Is cleaning up the entire HQ, and the rest of the city."

"WHAT????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Team Mustang's jaw's all dropped to the ground, as Edward nearly fell back laughing.

"B-but Führer, sir, you seriously don't-"

"Mustang, I gave you an order, and I expect that you follow it."

"Yes sir." Mustang almost sighed, and the rest of his team almost cried(I RHYMED!!!YAY RHYME/ME!!!)

**Several weeks later...............................................**

Roy and the rest of Team Mustang got ready for another day of cleaning the city. It had taken them a whole week and a half to clean HQ, now they had to-

"HEY!!! Roy!" the shout was accompanied by the honk of a horn.

Roy turned to see Maes, and his family in their car, otherwise known as the "Maes Mobile"

"So, how're you? Me and my family are just heading' up to go see the lighting of the giant Christmas tree."

"We're going to go out, pick up trash, and freeze." Roy gritted his teeth in anger

Maes saw this, and laughed" Oh, your still mad about me helping Ed.......well, see ya' later!" and with that he took off, leaving the others in the cold.

Riza shivered, and coughed, being that she was probably getting a cold from staying outside for so long.

Roy shrugged off his jacket, and gave it to her, then they all saw the midget that got them into this mess.

"Hello Ed." Roy growled, as the other officers glared at the boy his blonde girlfriend.

"Hey Colonel." he grinned, then handed Roy a slip of paper

It read:

_Team Mustang,_

_You are hereby relieved of your cleaning duties, and are free to enjoy your holiday vacation._

_The Führer_

_P.S.:I think you owe a thank you to Colonel Elric_(AN: Ed got promoted for catching Roy XD)_,and a very merry Christmas to you all._

Roy and the others looked from the note to Ed.

"You........"

"Well, are you guys just gonna stand there, or are you gonna go with us to the annual tree lighting? I heard the artists playing are pretty good." Ed grinned, then Roy smirked as if in reply.

And that was the happy ending to our little story. Merry Christmas!


End file.
